I am now 7.5 (31 wks) months into this parasitic state. I think this is a good time to document all the worries I've had about this baby and becoming a parent in general. Supposedly "mommy-brain" will set in pretty soon, and I will not be able to remember anything about the pregnancy. Or just anything.
4-5 weeks: "I don't want to become a mindless machine of evolution"
(I cannot believe I actually said this to my boss. I must've been very disturbed)
7-13 weeks: Down syndrome, incomplete neural tube closure,
wrong number of chromosomes in general, miscarriage, fetus is reptilian
14-18 weeks: What if vomiting never stops?
19-24 weeks: General hypochondria of self, including but not limited to renal failure,
diabetes, retina degeneration and psychosis.
Baby will be retarded because
(1) it's a boy (2) I had flus with fevers (3) I use heat packs for the lower back
(4) I fell on my belly one time (5) I was mean to people some times.
Baby will have alcohol poisoning because I spend too much time in tissue culture.
Baby will be fluorescent green/red and xyz knocked down because I worked with
virus.
25-30 weeks: I will not love the baby and will have to pretend or will end up as a
character in Law and Order. Oil will run out before the baby is 3. Global warming
will kill all humans before the baby is 5. Baby will have type I diabetes and/or
Duchene muscular dystrophy. Baby will be short and dumb and ugly. Baby will
believe in god of any kind and we will have to disown him.
31 weeks: Baby will be retarded because of my anemia. I will die in childbirth.
I will get AIDS in childbirth from blood transfusions and die soon after.
Baby will be tortured by stepmother.
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